Back to Reality

Now that we're back in Boston and not spending our days blowing bubbles in an infinity pool in Santorini, I've begun to think deeply about my life, my dreams and my happiness again. For a few months, I gave up these deep philosophical thoughts because I simply didn't have time and was so consumed with wedding planning (and excitement) and work that it was irrelevant.

The quest for happiness is never ending. We all know that. Even while I sit in an existence where I can safely say that so much of my life is happier than it's ever been, I know that I can't just "let go." If I stop working toward happiness, I believe that I will lose it. I feel like everyone has certain requirements: a set of circumstances, variables and/or factors that need to be present in order to be happy. Some people, I believe, need less than others. I, for one, know that I need lots of things to be in order and I also think that it's all my fault. Perhaps I'm too aware of what makes me at peace, too aware of what factors make me uncomfortable--so much so that my whole life is spent rushing to fill my time with the things that I love. This isn't a bad way to live, but I always feel exhausted. For me, it always seems to be on the verge of a Catch 22. I sometimes don't want to do something...like right now, I don't want to leave my cozy apartment to go play field hockey at 9:30pm on Monday night after I just worked 11 hours (and have to wake up and do it again tomorrow). But, if I don't go, I won't be fulfilling a happiness requirement of playing sports I love, enjoying the fresh air when I can and working out. If I stay here, I'll wake up in the morning and say: "I just wasted away my night" and will feel an emptiness I can't handle.

So, that being said, I'm off to go play Field Hockey!